


Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas

by wantAwinchester



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Austin Texas music scene, Bottom Jensen, Coffee Shops, Holidays, Homelessness, M/M, Top Jared Padalecki, Top Jensens Ackles implied, bottom jared implied, jensen ackles musician, widowed Jensen Ackles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-20
Updated: 2014-12-20
Packaged: 2018-03-02 07:31:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2804501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wantAwinchester/pseuds/wantAwinchester
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jensen Ackles loses his way after his husband dies from colon cancer shortly after their wedding.  Jared Padalecki helps him find his way back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas

**Author's Note:**

  * For [LoveMeSomePie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoveMeSomePie/gifts).



> This was written especially for my phenomenal Beta reader as a Christmas gift. She's graciously allowed me to post it here for everyone to enjoy. I loved writing this one and really hope you all enjoy reading it as well.  
> She also was kind enough to beta read the work for me as well.  
> You know who you are and you totally rock - love you lots.

Jensen sighed. The sound came from the bottom of his soul and carried with it the weight of a thousand broken hearts or maybe, just one heart, broken a thousand times. After a last glance at the small, worn photo, he carefully tucked it back into the wallet he carried in the left inside pocket of his battered leather jacket, the pocket closest to his heart.

He knew he’d have to move along soon. He’d spent enough time on this particular park bench today, his instinct for such things finely honed after the last few years, so he picked up his backpack as well as his guitar and headed off slowly in the direction of his favorite coffee shop. The shelter where he spent his nights offered coffee and breakfast to the unfortunates in need of a place to sleep off the street, but the coffee was terrible and good coffee was one of the two things Jensen missed the most about his life before. He could almost always afford a good cup of coffee but the other thing, well that would never be replaced.

Austin was a good place to be homeless. It was also a good place to be homosexual, but that hadn’t mattered for a while now. Jensen smiled as he entered The Coffee Connection, a small independent shop, one of many that were scattered throughout the downtown Austin area. His main source of employment, other than busking on street corners and in the park, was playing and singing at a couple of the coffee shops and bars that offered entertainment in the evenings. It was Thursday, his usual night at the CC. The shop didn’t pay him anything but the tips he collected, however they did provide all the coffee he could drink while he played and the owner, Denise, usually fed him as well. She was one of the few people from before that he’d kept in touch with after. Denise was one of the only people that he felt he could still be himself with, one of the few whose pity didn’t overshadow every other aspect of their interaction with him.

“Hi Jensen!” Denise returned his smile as he moved through the room to the small stage, “I made chicken soup today. Come sit at the counter once you’ve gotten settled and I’ll get you a bowl.”

Jensen glanced down and away from the counter, still shy and always pathetically grateful – at least in his estimation – for the small things Denise did for him. He wasn’t comfortable with the attention but craved the company just the same. He settled into a counter seat once he’d carefully put his things away and propped his guitar up on its stand. “Thanks Denise. You take such good care of me.”

“Someone has to, Jensen.” Denise set a bowl of soup and a cup of coffee in front of him. “You’d give away everything you owned if you could. Like, where are your gloves?” Denise watched him as he squirmed a bit in his seat. He was incredibly attractive with his dark green eyes and dark blonde hair. He kept in good shape too, something that could be hard to do on the street. She worried about him and made a point of visually inspecting him every time he came in to her shop. The loss of his husband, Quinn, five years before after a long, expensive battle with colon cancer had ended up costing him everything they’d owned and sapping the very life from him.

“I….um….lost them.” Jensen busied himself with breaking crackers into his soup so he didn’t have to meet Denise’s eyes. He knew that she knew he gave them away but neither one of them would actually say that.

“It gets cold at night in November. You need to protect your hands, they are your livelihood.”

“Yeah, I know, but…..I have….I’ve had so much more than some others….” His voice trailed off and he blew on a spoonful of soup to cool it off.

Denise sighed. She had a younger brother back in Rochester and even though they looked nothing alike, Jensen reminded her of him. “I think there’s a pair in the lost and found. Try to hold on to them this time.”

It had been a good night. The Coffee Connection had a beer and wine license and they, he?, attracted a pretty good crowd on Thursday nights. Most of the people were regulars and they tipped well. Jensen generally made enough money on Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights to enable him to do his laundry, purchase any toiletries he needed and feed himself for a good part of the week. Anything extra he put into a savings account so that he could eventually afford the studio time necessary to record a couple of demo tracks.

Jensen was loosening the strings on his guitar, putting his tip money away in the pouch he used for that purpose and hoping he got to the shelter in time that night to score one of the better cots when a soft voice interrupted his thoughts.

“Hey, man, thanks for the music. You’re really good.”

He turned to face the speaker and felt himself blush. It was the best looking guy that ever came to his sets at the CC. He was tall. They were about eye to eye with Jensen standing on the small stage, and Jensen wasn’t a small man, and he had longer brown hair that he sometimes kept tamed with a beanie. Jensen liked it best when he was hatless and noticed him in the audience the last few weeks. “Hey…um….thanks. I’ve seen you here a few times.”

“Every week dude, I don’t miss a performance.” Now the younger man was blushing. ‘Way to act cool, Padalecki,’ he cursed to himself. “I like music…..I mean….I like….can I buy you a beer before you go?”

Jensen hesitates just a fraction of a second before he answers. This gave his heart time to speed up just enough to thaw a fraction of the grief he’d allowed to freeze his hope solid after Quinn’s death. “Sure, thanks. I’d appreciate that. I’m Jensen Ackles.” He held his hand out and allowed the other man’s larger hand to engulf it as they shook.

“I know. I’m Jared Padalecki, nice to formally meet you.” Jared smiled and the dimples that popped up made Jensen feel just that much warmer.

“Let me just get her put away,” he motioned to his instrument, “and I’ll be right over.”

“What would you like?”

Jensen figured it was a little early to answer ‘you’ and smiled back, “Anything’s great. I’m not fussy.”

Denise assured the guys that she had plenty to do before she’d kick them out when she brought them a couple Rolling Rocks and a basket of pretzels. She could at least make sure Jensen had a little more to eat that night. Once in the small kitchen area she did a small dance. It was high time Jensen showed interest in anyone else and Jared Padalecki was something else altogether.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Two weeks later, the week before Thanksgiving, Jared walked with Jensen to where he’d parked his car, “Are you sure you don’t want a ride home? I don’t mind at all.”

“No, thanks though, it’s not far and I like to walk.” Jensen bit at his lower lip and while he wasn’t technically lying to his friend, he felt like he was. He really didn’t want him to know that he stayed at the mission shelter, at least not yet. He’d hoped to be able to enjoy Jared’s company for a little while longer before he found out and moved on.

Jared sighed, “Look Jensen, just tell me if you’re not gay or not interested. I mean, no phone number and you won’t let me know where you live; I’m a big boy and can handle rejection, well, sort of.”

The older man ran his hand over his face as he considered his answer, “It isn’t that Jared, honestly. I don’t have a phone and…..you know what? I accept the ride. I’ll show you where I live.” Jensen figured at this point he had no choice, kind of like taking off a band aid, better to rip it off quickly and get over it with. It had been a pleasant few weeks and it wasn’t like he had to erase Jared from his mind completely. He’d become one of his jerk-off fantasies and he didn’t have to give that up when he walked out of his life.

Jensen directed them to the mission and was getting his things together to get out of the car, when Jared spoke. The coldness in his voice very nearly shattered him. “Very funny. I don’t know what your deal is Jensen, but I’m done. Happy Thanksgiving, Merry Christmas, fuck you very much, whatever dude.” 

It was a defeated figure that watched as Jared drove off down the street, one struggling to not give in to the tears he could feel pricking at the back of his eyes. The mission was no place to show weakness and Jensen had known from the beginning that things were too good to last. He just didn’t have that kind of luck.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

The Coffee Connection was closed on Thanksgiving so that Denise could help prepare and serve Thanksgiving dinner at the mission shelter. She went home to Rochester at Christmas and rather than spend her Thanksgiving alone or as a lone guest at someone else’s family celebration she volunteered her time. Everyone put on their best faces at the mission, its residents and the volunteers all worked together to make the day memorable and as festive as possible. Denise was surprised when she arrived and saw Jensen setting up to provide music for the meal. She knew he usually went to see his family in Dallas at Thanksgiving since busking during the Christmas shopping season was pretty profitable for him and he generally worked all day on Christmas Eve. Denise wondered if Jared was staying in Austin and if he was the reason Jensen had stuck around.

Jensen was a good musician and an even better singer. He played a number of his usual songs, added in some more contemporary Christmas tunes and took requests from the crowd. Most of those were for the traditional and very much still loved Christmas carols. He had a beautiful baritone voice, but could hit most of the tenor notes as well. Denise believed that no matter what he was singing the richness of his tone and the emotion behind the lyrics made you feel that he was singing especially for you. Even in a large room full of noisy diners Jensen gave an amazingly intimate performance.  
She brought him a full plate when he took a break and sat down with him while he ate, “I thought you usually went home for Thanksgiving? Not that I’m complaining, I could listen to you all day, every day and not get tired of your voice.”

Jensen took a big bite of food so that he could think about his answer while chewing, a full mouth being an acceptable reason to not speak up immediately. He swallowed and replied, “Usually. I’m pretty close to my goal though and thought I’d stick around for the black Friday shoppers. I should be able to make some pretty decent money downtown tomorrow.”

“Would you like to use my phone to call your family? I have unlimited everything,” Denise pulled out her iPhone and held it out to him.

“Thanks, I will a little later. My brother and sister’s families should be at my mom and dad’s later this afternoon and then I could speak to them all. That’s very nice of you.” Jensen proceeded to load his mouth with another large amount of food.

“I have Jared’s number as well if you’d like to call him.” Denise saw the shadow that crossed Jensen’s face even though it was quick. She was paying close attention to his reaction.

“Thanks but I don’t think he really wants to hear from me.”

“Jensen! Why would you say that? He likes you and I know he’s gay.” Denise watched as he stuffed his mouth full of food again and like an infuriating child took and extra-long time to chew and swallow his food. “Well?”

Jensen carefully put his fork down on his plate and wiped his mouth with his napkin, then drained the glass of water at his place before answering, “He offered to drive me home last week. I declined, he pushed, I accepted. He thought I was playing with him and lying about where I lived because I wasn’t interested. So, no he doesn’t like me and is not interested in me, gay or not gay.” He got up, cleared his place and went to get a cup of the brown sludge that passed for coffee at the mission before heading back to the ‘stage’ area of the community room.

Denise took a picture of Jensen chatting with a couple of the other regulars without them noticing and sent Jared a text, “You jerk. I wouldn’t have asked you to start coming by if I thought you were going to hurt him. This IS where he lives. You could’ve asked me.” She attached the picture. She’d been careful to make sure the mission’s community bulletin board was visible in the background. ‘Fucktard,’ she thought.

Jared saw the text when it came through but didn’t read it or look at the attachment. He was still feeling bruised and full of self-pity. Even his nieces and nephews were having a hard time getting him to smile. It wasn’t until the adults started playing Cards Against Humanity that he was able to begin to relax and forget, at least for the moment, the hopes he’d started building when he met Jensen. He wasn’t sure why he and Denise had felt like they could be so callus, but then as a gay man he’d learned to take his lumps as well as the next guy or gay as the case may be.

The holiday season was always busy for Jared and his small landscaping company. They did custom Christmas/Holiday light installations for people in order to round out the usual planting and yard maintenance work they provided year round. One of his holiday clients was the Coffee Connection and he planned to give that job to one of his employees this year. It was a small job and could be easily handled by just about anyone on staff. As he moved the order to the ‘give to someone else’ pile on his desk he remembered he’d received a text from Denise at Thanksgiving. Maybe she’d decided to change or cancel her order. He’d been childish to not even look at it considering she’d been his client almost from the start.

‘Shit!’ he thought. Now the guy was messing with his business mind as well. He scrolled through his texts until he found the one from Denise a few days before, glad that he hadn’t deleted it when it arrived. He read the text several times to make sure he’d read it correctly and studied the man in the picture she’d sent. ‘Fuck me, how the hell was I supposed to know, he’s clean, he’s healthy, he’s gorgeous, not a drunk, not mental but fucking talented, funny and smart. Just fuck me.’ He knew he blew it. There was no way Jensen would speak to him again and he’d be lucky if Denise would but he had to call her to verify the holiday order she’d placed. Jared reluctantly dialed her number.

“Coffee Connection, this is Denise.”

“Hey Denise, it’s Jared Padalecki,” he could almost hear her grinding her teeth as she paused to consider what to say. “I….um….I’m calling to see if you still want us to do your holiday display, but I can understand if you’ve changed your mind. I’m an ass.”

“At least you admit it. I wasn’t sure I’d hear from you again after you didn’t respond to my text.” Denise was still angry but willing to hear him out.

“I didn’t even open it until today. I came across your order and it reminded me you’d sent something on Thanksgiving. At the time I thought…..it doesn’t really matter what I thought. I’m not just an ass, I’m an asshole. Is he okay?”

“He’s been better, but he’s also been worse. and honestly, I’m not really sure it’s up to me to say anything else to you about him. If you’ve changed your mind you know where to find him, I’ve meddled enough.”

“Fair enough, I deserve that,” Jared sighed and wondered if there was any way in hell he could repair the damage he’d done. It wasn’t like they had a history they could fall back on.

“I’d still like you to do the windows, your company does the best job in Austin but Jared, don’t fuck with him. If you decide to try to repair things, you need to go all out and not dick around.” She may not want to meddle, but it didn’t mean she wasn’t going to make her opinion known.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

The next couple of weeks flew by, Jared was busier than ever keeping up with the jobs they had as well as the new jobs that came in after people saw their neighbor’s display. By the second weekend of December things had calmed down considerably and Jared found himself downtown checking displays for burned out bulbs and trying to get a little shopping done.

Jensen was finishing his warm-up break in the Coffee Connection. He’d been busy himself between the increased shoppers during the day and the more crowded coffee houses and bars in the evenings and weekends and he hadn’t had a whole lot of time to brood about Jared and lost opportunities. Like he did every day before heading out to work, he pulled the photo of him and Quinn from his wallet.

It had been taken the summer before he was diagnosed. They’d just gotten married in California. At that time, Texas wouldn’t recognize their marriage as legal, but they’d wanted to get married anyway and had a private ceremony during a long weekend honeymoon in the northern coastal area. He’d loved Quinn so much. His absence still felt like an open wound. He was doing his best to honor the promise he’d made to him. A promise to not stop living his life and allow someone else in when he found him but he hadn’t met anyone he thought he could get close to. No one that is until he’d met Jared and he’d been wrong about that.

Once he was set up in his usual spot in the center of the pedestrian only area downtown, it didn’t take long for him to draw a crowd. Even without a microphone or amplifier his voice carried and caught people’s attention, including Jared’s. He’d just started one of his favorite Christmas songs “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” when he spotted him. He faltered briefly, but smiled to the small crowd around him and picked up where he left off. Jared was hard to miss, even where he stood at the rear of the crowd, head and shoulders above everyone else. Jensen concentrated on the people directly in front of him and carefully avoided looking up over their heads.

He immediately launched into the upbeat acoustic version of “God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen” made famous by The Barenaked Ladies and soon the small crowd was clapping along. At least one woman in the audience accompanied him by singing the Sarah McLaughlin parts of the song with him. The shoppers moved on once he was done, most of them dropping money into his open guitar case. It was his habit to clear out most of the tips after a couple of songs to keep from becoming a target for thieves and he was just finishing when he felt Jared’s presence.

“Jensen, can we talk?” Jared had his hands in his pockets and his head lowered while he studied his shoes.

“Is there really anything more to say? I thought you were pretty clear.” Jensen stood, folded the money he’d collected and tucked it into an inside pocket.

“I was an asshole and I’m sorry. I’d like to spend some more time with you, but all I really needed to say was - I’m sorry.” He looked up and through his bangs to see how the man was reacting to his words.

The pause almost reached the critically uncomfortable stage before Jensen answered, “I have to work for a while longer. It’s Saturday, I usually do pretty well on the weekends and I’m playing at The Cavern tonight.”

“What time do you usually finish up? I’ll…..I’ll come by and give you a ride home, if you’ll let me.” Jared was still watching Jensen’s face hoping he’d accept his apology and give him….them another chance, but not betting on it.

Jared was so appealing, his eyes were huge and if you used your imagination you could almost see his lower lip tremble. Jensen wanted to kiss him right then and there, but restrained himself. “That would be great, I’d like that. I’ll even let you buy me dinner when I’m on break.” Jensen’s smile was huge and infectious. “Just teasing about dinner, but I’d like to see you there.”

“I’ll be there and yes, dinner’s on me no question, you don’t get a choice! What time do you start?” Jared was relieved beyond belief. He wasn’t sure where they’d end up, but at least he was being given another chance.

“I start at 9:00 and take my first break at 10:30. What’s your favorite Christmas song? I’ll make sure I play it in the first set.” Jensen was still grinning and mentally reviewing which of his three shirts was the cleanest and hoping he could talk the pastor at the mission into letting him use the shower early.

“You just played it.”

“The Barenaked Ladies’ God Rest Ye?”

“No, the other one, ‘Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas’. My mom was a big fan of The Carpenters and played their version of that song over and over every year. Actually, she still does.”

“I don’t usually fish for compliments, but I hope my version measures up.”

Jared smiled down at the smaller man, “It definitely does, might be my new favorite version, but I’ll have to hear again to be sure. I’ll see you later.”

Jensen smiled and closed his eyes for a couple of seconds before pulling himself back together and launching into another song. At some point during the next few songs he noticed a cup of coffee had appeared next to his backpack. He looked up and could see Jared winding his way through the crowds. He hoped he wasn’t being foolish, but he was really looking forward to seeing him later that night.

Denise was thrilled by Jensen’s news and offered to let him clean up at her place, even offering to wash and iron his best shirt. That was too sweet of a deal for Jensen to pass up and that’s how he found himself showering and shaving in a bathroom decorated with butter- and dragonflies. It was nice though, the water was plenty hot and the pressure great compared to the mission but the biggest benefit, well besides laundry service, was that he didn’t have to jostle for mirror space and could take his time making sure he didn’t miss a spot or cut himself while shaving. He almost felt human again.

Jared was battling his own case of nerves across town. He’d told his sister what had happened before Thanksgiving and called her on his way home to give her an update. She was thrilled for him and had a shit ton of advice on how to not screw up again. Once home he tried on just about every shirt he owned in combination with every sweater, and once he finally decided on a combo he liked, he then agonized over whether or not he should wear a tie (not was the final decision). Dating sucked, gay dating sucked harder…he laughed at his unintentional pun and then decided he was sunk before he even started. Jensen was just so fucking sweet and he wanted to spend days kissing every freckle he could find on his (gorgeous) body. Yeah, so done.

More nervous than he’d been since he started performing, Jensen thought he might actually throw up as he got his guitar tuned in the miniscule backstage area of The Cavern. The place was one of his usual gigs, Austin had a great music scene and Jensen rotated through a few of the bars and clubs in the downtown area. Other places would have had him, but he didn’t have any way to get there so he stuck to places within walking distance. He had built up a small following and usually recognized a least a few people in the audience whenever and wherever he played. He asked Betty, one of the waitresses, to bring him a shot of their cheapest whiskey. He didn’t usually drink anything but tea or water before or during a performance but needed something to calm his nerves.

What she brought him was definitely not his usual no name rotgut and he raised his eyebrows in question as he brought it to his lips.

“Tall, well-built and handsome guy said to bring this back to you. Said you’d know who it was from.” Betty winked at him. “You keeping secrets from me boy?”

He laughed and sipped at the liquor. Definitely not the cheap stuff, “No darlin’, you know you’re the only woman for me….”

“I know, I know, when you decide to play for the other team. You are a heartbreaker.” Betty left and got back to her job.

Jensen tossed back the rest of the smooth, gods so smooth, rich whiskey and headed out to start his set. He saw Jared right away. He’d actually seen him when he’d arrived and knew he’d had to have gotten there early in order to get the table he had. That thought warmed him almost as much as the whiskey had. He started his set with a couple of upbeat tunes before he got to Jared’s request.

“My next song is a request. I was told I’m competing with none other than Karen Carpenter for best version ever. You guys will have to let me know how I do.” He smiled at Jared who acknowledged it with a tiny salute and he launched into the bittersweet song.

He joined his date, wait, date? Was that right? Shit, it was a date, after his set. Betty brought him another shot and a Rolling Rock to match what Jared was drinking. “You guys eating dinner?”

“Yeah, we are, but give us a couple of minutes, if you don’t mind?” Jared smiled at Jensen as Betty hustled away. “She hasn’t left me alone since I sent that shot back to you. I think she’s trying make sure I’m good enough for you.” He raised his glass, “Let’s drink to women who care.”

Jensen laughed as they touched glasses and drank. “I knew some of these people, Betty and Denise, in particular, before things went bad….they kind of look out for me.”

“I’m glad someone does. I’d like to hear your story, but it doesn’t have to be tonight.” Jared gently traced the index finger on Jensen’s right hand with his. “I’m in no rush.”

“Do you mind if we order? I usually break for about 45 minutes and head back on stage. This is one of the places that actually pay me to play so I have to kind of stay on track.” Jensen smiled a shy, nervous smile at his date.

“No, no of course not, I’m surprised they don’t all pay you. You really are good.” Jared hesitated a moment and added, “I’m not just saying that, honest.”

“I get paid under the table and not every place wants to risk it.” Jensen shrugged and discreetly motioned Betty to come by when she was finished at another table. “I do pretty well even on the tips. I live in the mission because, well because of several things.”

“You want your usual Jensen?”

“What’s your usual?” The Cavern served standard bar fare, it wasn’t terrible, but the reason most people were there was for the music and booze.  
Jensen nodded to Betty. “It’s a bacon double cheeseburger, medium, no onions, lettuce and tomato on the side, fries extra crispy and I’m a cheap date, my dinner’s on the house the nights I play.”

“Nothing cheap about you at all.” Jared couldn’t pull his eyes off of the sensuous mouth, freckled cheeks and green eyes of the man sitting across from him. “That’ll work for me too and another round please.”

“Thank you.” 

“You really have no idea how appealing you are….do you?” Jared was amazed. Jensen was easily the prettiest person in the place, men and women included and he didn’t have a clue.

“I haven’t really felt all that appealing in a long time and even then, I only ever thought one person felt that way.” Jensen pulled out his wallet, removed the photo and handed it to Jared, “That’s my husband Quinn and I on our wedding day. He died five years ago. We were married less than two years.”

“I’m so sorry, Jensen,” Jared handed the photo back, “so very sorry. I can’t even begin to imagine….”

Jensen shook his head, “I don’t want this to turn into a wake. Tell me about your family, please?”

By the time Jensen needed to take the stage again they both felt like they were on solid ground again. Their backgrounds were similar, they liked the same stupid movies and TV shows and had laughed at the same things. They were each pleasantly buzzed by the time Jensen got up to do his second set.

“Are you staying?” Jensen no longer felt anxious but kind of hoped Jared was hanging around. He wasn’t quite ready for their date to end.

“Of course! I always drive my date home,” Jared’s grin was huge and his deep dimples made an appearance, “if you’ll let me?”

“Please?”  
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

“You know, you could leave some of your things at my place while you’re gone, they’d be safe,” Jared and Jensen were parked outside the Amtrak station. It was December 23 and Jensen’s sister had sent him a ticket so he could spend the holiday with his family. He didn’t like to fly because he carried his whole life with him and was afraid he’d lose it.

“Thanks, Jared. I know it’d be safe….I think it’s kind of like a security blanket. I’d be all nervous and anxious without it all,” Jensen lifted the hand holding his and kissed it gently making sure he got each finger. He didn’t want Jared to feel like he didn’t trust him.

“Speaking of security,” Jared nearly moaned out loud as his ‘kind of very naughty’ boyfriend began to lick his fingers, his tongue darting in and out of his ‘oh gods please kiss me’ lips, “yeah, right….um, security. I got you a gift.”

“Jared, we weren’t gonna do this, you promised.” Jensen hated the whine that he detected in his voice but he’d made Jared promise that since they’d just met that this Christmas would be sans gifts.

“It’s really a gift for me, so I don’t think it counts. Open it.” Jared made his ‘I’m a cute little golden retriever puppy and you can resist me’ eyes and Jensen caved with an exaggerated sigh.

“You should be a lawyer. You can twist just about anything around to suit your purposes,” Jensen opened the package. It was an iPhone and he made a ‘how the hell is this a gift for you’ face at Jared. “Really, Jared?”

“I worry about you. I know you’re capable and that you are aware of your surroundings at all times, but I worry and I want you to have a way to get help immediately if you need it. I want a way for me to get hold of you immediately if I need to hear that you’re all right. I know you want to be responsible for yourself and shit, Jensen I totally get that. But please, please accept this from me.” Jared put his arm around Jensen’s shoulders and pulled him close enough to place a bunch of kisses on his cheek, his ear and his neck. “Please?”

“You play dirty, Padalecki, but you win this round. Thank you. Without realizing it, you’ve just won the hearts of both my mother and my sister by giving me this phone and making me take it. I’ll actually owe you one for getting them off my back.” Jensen turned his head and brushed his lips against Jared’s before pulling him even closer so he could lick his way into his mouth and all the way back to his tonsils. 

“Use it. I’ve put my number in it already and I’ve got your new number in my phone. Call me when you get to Dallas. In fact, call me whenever you want, I’m going to miss you.” Jared kissed his boyfriend at least as deeply but pulled back every so often to lick at and bite his lower lip. “We have a date for New Year’s Eve, one where you’re not working, right?”

Jensen laughed, “Yes, we’re on for New Year’s Eve, I turned every job down. I’ll be all yours.”

“Good. Go catch your train and Jensen…..” Jared spent another few minutes kissing him before continuing, “Call me.”

After one more passionate kiss, Jensen was out of the car and heading into the station. He was reeling from Jared, the kisses, the gift and well, the everything. As he settled into his seat and started to play with his phone he realized that he was probably one of the luckier people on the planet. He’d already experienced a deep and profound love with Quinn and managed to survive losing him. He was sure he’d never meet anyone else he could love after having known Quinn, but Jared was proving him wrong. He was so different from Quinn and was showing Jensen that love came to people in many different ways, many different packages and at many different times.

He took out his worn photo and pressed it as flat as he could on the table in front him and took a picture of it. He was going to put the actual photograph away somewhere it would be safe and still be able to see it whenever he needed Quinn’s confidence and faith in him to lift him up.  
After saving the photo, he went to see how it looked and noticed that Jared had already added a number of pictures to the phone already, including a couple of selfies he’d taken of them just the day before. Jensen had just assumed he was using his phone. He found the one he liked best and set it as the wallpaper and background for the phone. Jensen was ridiculously pleased that Jared had put so much effort into a gift he’d told him he didn’t want. 

He spent the next fifteen minutes trying to decide what he wanted to text to Jared. There was so much he wanted to say and only so much that would fit. He knew he could do multiple texts and he knew he could call him, but liked the idea of Jared being able to look at the text whenever he wanted over the next few days while they were apart and only have to view one screen. He finally sent – J, love the phone, love the thought you put into it, love that you care so much. Have yourself a merry little Xmas. Miss you already. Think I love u, J

The response was almost immediate – J, I know I love u, J  
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

It was New Year’s Eve and Denise had insisted that Jensen use her place again to get ready for his date. He was enjoying the solitary, hot shower and thinking about his trip home.

He’d told his mom and his sister about Jared and as he predicted, Jared moved up to the number one spot on the ‘boyfriends we’d like to see with Jensen’ list by giving him the phone and making him promise to use it. Late on Christmas Eve, Donna, Jensen’s mom made a point of talking to him about Quinn and about the promise he made to him before he died. She basically told her youngest son that ignoring Quinn’s request was disrespectful to his memory and that Jared might or might not turn out to be the same kind of partner that Quinn had been but that he’d never know if he didn’t make an effort. She said that loving again wouldn’t diminish what they had had together and instead it would honor their relationship. Jensen thought he was falling in love with Jared and decided he’d just let it ride and see. Living like he had the last five years was so hard, so lonely and he really didn’t think Quinn would’ve liked seeing him this way if he had another choice.

Denise helped him pick from the new shirts and sweaters his mom and sister had bought him and her relaxed, easygoing manner helped put him at ease. He started to repack his backpack and looked over to see Denise shaking her head at him.

“Leave it here with me. Take your guitar if you want to play Jared some love songs, but leave your things here.” Denise took the shirt he was folding from his hands and made him walk away from his packing, “Scout and I will be here all night and I swear I’ll send you photos if you need them, but go out tonight without worrying.”

Jensen bit his lower lip as he tried to picture himself walking around without everything he owned and was floundering a little. “I’d have to wake you up to get everything really late.”

“Honestly Jensen, have you thought this through at all?” Denise sat on the couch and patted the seat next to her.

“Well, yeah.” He sat down next to his oldest friend.

“Yeah, I don’t think you have. First, the mission will be closed. You are staying after midnight right?”

Jensen nodded, “I did kind of think of that, but that’s even more reason to have everything with me.”

“OK, here’s the deal, if and that’s a really big IF Jared brings you home tonight, you can stay here and your things will already be here. But Jen, he’s not bringing you home tonight unless you end up insisting on it and I don’t think that’s what you really want.”

“No, not really,” Jensen’s voice was soft, almost inaudible.

“He’ll be here soon. Go, have fun, don’t come back until sometime tomorrow and if you need to see your things, text me and I’ll send you a picture. You can do this Jen and you know that if he could Quinn would be pushing you out the door.”

Across town Jared was dealing with his own attack of nerves. He was picking Jensen up and bringing him back to his house for the evening and while he was pretty sure they were on the same page he said a couple of tiny prayers that he didn’t fuck up the best thing he’d had in, well, ever. He’d cleaned his house, changed the sheets, cleaned the bathroom a second time, checked that he had condoms and plenty of lube and oh yeah, got beer, whiskey, champagne and dinner too. 

He was wearing a gray sweater that his sister swore made his eyes look like the sky after a storm, a kind of pink shirt and his softest jeans. He made a playlist for the evening and figured out which college bowl games were playing just in case Jensen wanted to watch football. He texted his sister and told her to wish him luck.

Jared was a little surprised when Jensen left his backpack at Denise’s, suddenly worried that he and Jensen weren’t on the same page, but he decided he’d take whatever Jensen offered and roll with it. Jensen explained on the way to Jared’s that Denise had talked him into leaving his security blanket behind for one night and that she promised to text him a picture if he got nervous.

“So has she sent you a picture yet?” Jared was only halfway joking.

Jensen threw his head back and laughed. “No not yet, but I may have to text her when we get where ever it is we’re going.”

This got Jared laughing as well. “We’re going to my place. I hope that’s okay. I know it’s not the proverbial glamorous New Year’s Eve, but it will be quieter and a lot more private.”

“That’s perfect,” Jensen smiled at his date. “I work at most of the other places in town, so I’d feel like I was at work even though I wasn’t.”

After Jared gave Jensen a brief tour of his small home he poured them a couple fingers of whiskey each, started his playlist and pulled him next to him on the couch. “I’ve got to admit, I’m a lousy cook so I had Bernino’s cater dinner. Just didn’t want to it to appear like false advertising.”

Jensen pulled him into a kiss and spent several long minutes exploring his mouth with his tongue before kissing his way to one of his ears. “Peanut butter and jelly would work just as well, I’m not really here for the food.”

“Dance with me?” Jared stood and held his hand out.

The song was The Carpenters’ “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” and Jared pulled Jensen in close, placing his hands on the perfect ass that had been haunting his sleeping and day dreams. He could feel Jensen’s cock, as the friction between them and the kisses that hadn’t stopped, coaxed it into hardness. Jared had been hard all day and moaned into Jen’s mouth as he ground himself into him.

Jensen broke the kiss, pulled Jared even closer and sang the last verse and chorus along with Karen and her brother, making sure he nipped at Jared’s ear once the song ended. He moved his mouth back to Jared’s and asked, “So which version wins?”

“Do you have any doubts?” Jared had opened the top button of Jensen’s shirt and was biting and kissing the base of his throat and he could feel the vibrations in his throat when he moaned and sighed.

“We can eat later right?”

“It’s all still in the fridge,” Jared hadn’t stopped kissing Jensen’s neck and throat and had one hand firmly planted on his ass and the other on the back of his head pulling it back so he could get to more of his neck.

Jensen drew a couple of deep breaths before he could speak again, “So are we gonna keep dancing or just get busy?”

It was Jared’s turn to throw back his head and laugh. “You are perfect.” He was still wearing his 1000I h watt smile as he led his boyfriend to his room. He carefully pulled his sweater off and went back to kissing Jensen’s neck while he unbuttoned his shirt and pulled the shirt tails out from his jeans. “Too many clothes, baby.”

Jensen’s hands were busy too, he’d un-tucked Jared’s shirt and was running them up and down his muscular back while still grinding his erection into his thigh. His ability to form words impeded by the mouth at his neck and the cock that was pushing into his belly. He kind of plucked at Jared’s sweater and his boyfriend took pity on him and pulled it and his shirt off in one graceful move.

“I don’t button the cuffs, makes it easier to get it off,” Jared whispered as he continued to kiss and bite at the skin he was uncovering. “Jesus, Jensen you are so gorgeous. Your skin is amazing and your freckles are driving me nuts.” Jared finally had all Jen’s buttons undone and had his shirt and undershirt off in no time, “Top or bottom, baby, I do both.” He’d moved from Jen’s neck to his nipples and was pinching and biting them into perfect little peaks.

“I….um…wow,” Jensen pulled himself away from the series of marks he was sucking on Jared’s chest and looked up at him shyly through his lashes, “Bottom?”

“You sure? I’m really okay either way, I like to trade off.” Jared was still concentrating on Jensen’s nipples and he was having a hell of time even remembering his name. He hadn’t been with anyone since Quinn had passed and was on sensory overload.

“Yeah, I’m sure and yeah, we can trade, but I want you to fuck me tonight, please?” It had taken every brain cell he possessed to get the sentence out and his words deserted him again as Jared’s hands moved lower and started to work on his belt, his mouth back on Jen’s with his tongue sliding in and out, was pulling the best sounds out of him. 

Jared broke his kiss, “You are amazing. I’m gonna take such good care of you, make you feel so good. I promise Jen.”

Jared had Jensen’s jeans undone and he helped him step out of his shoes and jeans and pushed them aside before he hooked a finger in the top of his boxer briefs and pulled him back into an embrace, his mouth busy on every inch of skin he could find. “Undo me, baby, touch me and take me out.” Jared toed himself out of his boots without losing contact with the man undressing him.

Pulling himself off Jared’s skin, Jensen concentrated on unbuckling his belt, button and zipper before pushing Jared’s jeans off his slim hips. He was wearing boxers and his already dripping cock had created an impressive tent. Jensen shyly slipped his hands under the waistband of the boxers.

“Yeah, Jen, off please. Want you to touch me, please baby…” 

Jensen carefully pulled the boxers past Jared’s cock and whimpered a bit at the size of it. He let the boxers go and put one hand on the base of the beautiful cock he’d unveiled and sunk to his knees before placing a chaste kiss on the very tip while licking away the drop of slick that had been hanging there.

“You don’t have to….gonna come so fast as it is.” Jared pulled Jensen back to his feet and pushed his underwear off in a smooth and practiced move. “On the bed baby, back or tummy, however you’re most comfortable.” Jared ran his hand down the hard length of his partner’s hard cock smiling as he went further and gently cupped his balls causing him to whimper again. “You’re so, so beautiful, perfect Jen. Mine.” 

Jared took a couple of condoms and a tube of lube from the bedside drawer before climbing into his bed and kissing Jensen again, his tongue digging in deeper and deeper as one hand made itself at home playing with his balls and working back to his puckered hole and back again, both their cocks leaking and desperate for any kind of friction. He grabbed the lube with his other hand stopped briefly to cover his fingers completely with lube. Jared didn’t want to hurt Jensen and a liberal amount of lube was one of the best ways he knew to help that.

Once he was well lubed he lowered his mouth to Jensen’s and bit at his pouty lower lip until it was slight swollen and red, “You look absolutely edible and I will taste every inch of you in time.” 

“Come on Jay, open me, I’m so ready for this.” Jensen pulled his legs up to give Jared better access to his hole and Jared moaned his appreciation. “Please, want you, all of you.”

Jared jacked Jensen’s pretty cock a couple of times as he pushed his first finger in past the tight ring of muscle and into the silky interior of his ass. He very nearly came as Jensen’s muscles clamped down on his finger but held himself back. “Relax for me baby, and let me in, Jen.” When he felt the muscles begin to loosen up he pushed in a little farther and moved his finger in a circle working the muscles open gently.

“Yes, just like that, so good, you feel so good, more Jay, please?”

Very gently he worked a second finger in past the muscular hole, he never stopped kissing and sucking at Jensen’s neck and upper chest his words a steady patter of encouragement and filth which were making the man on his fingers squirm and beg for more. “You like that don’t you baby, you like my fingers opening you up so wide, wide enough for my big cock. Gonna fuck you so hard you’ll be feeling me for at least a day. That’s what you want, right baby, you want me to fuck you into the New Year so that you won’t forget tonight. You’re so sweet, so hot and so tight Jen, I’m practically coming right now.”

After he worked a third finger in and found the right angle to brush against his prostate, Jared pulled his fingers out, wiped them on a towel he’d put next to the bed and opened a condom. “You ready for me Jen, ready for me to fuck you? You’ve been so good, taking my fingers and relaxing into it, you ready to get fucked?”

“For fuck’s sake, Jared if you don’t stop talking I’ll flip you over and sit on you.” Jensen went back to whimpering and Jared smiled at his frustration, “I’ve got you, baby.” He wanted to take a picture of Jensen all undone and begging to be fucked but figured he’d wait on that for another time and put the condom on and lubed himself well before positioning the head of his cock at the now soft and oh so appealing entrance winking up at him.

He worked the head of his cock in past the outer muscles watching Jensen for any signs of acute discomfort and seeing none continued to press into the pretty ass underneath him with steady but shallow back and forth motions. “You are so tight, Jen. Please tell me if I’m hurting you.”

“I’m fine keep going, you feel so good, this feels so good. Don’t stop, please don’t stop.” Jensen pulled his legs back a little further to give Jared even more access and he wiggled his hips trying to take the cock in his ass in at a faster rate. “More, I can take it. Fuck me Jay.”

Jared’s biggest challenge was not coming too quickly as he worked himself all the way in. He had to stop to get control before he was ready to move. He leaned over Jensen and kissed him deeply as he started to move his cock in and out of the tight as sin ass he was fucking. He was hitting Jensen’s prostate at least every other thrust and the man under him was keening in his pleasure. Once he was rocking in and out with no resistance he began to work his partner’s cock in time with his thrusts. 

“Gonna come Jay.” The words had barely left Jensen’s mouth and he came hard, much harder than when he jacked off. The thick ropes of his release decorated both their chests and Jared continued to work Jen’s cock as he came down. 

“Come on Jared, come for me. I’ve been good, come on, come for me; show me what I do to you.”

Jared thrust a couple more times and felt his release build for the final time. Once he knew he was ready he thrust hard once more and came into the condom, his hands digging into Jensen’s hips. “So good Jensen, you’re, you’re just…..”

Watching his partner come apart was Jensen’s second favorite part of sex and he smiled as he watched the emotions and expressions pass through Jared’s eyes while he worked himself through his orgasm. Both men were covered in come and sweat and Jensen thought he’d never smelled anything quite as good.

“You okay?” Jared asked as he eased himself out of the perfect ass he’d been buried in. “I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

“You worry too much Jared, you’re gonna give yourself an ulcer.” Jensen was laughing and ran his hand through the messy sex hair his partner was sporting before wiggling up next to him and pulling him into an embrace. “It was….so, yeah, so good.” He kissed the sex swollen lips next to him. “And you know what? I really don’t care that you’re not a good cook.”

Both men's laughs broke up into the kind of silly entire body laughs that usually only happen when you’re with your very best friends. Jensen glanced at his watch.

“What time is it anyway?”

“Just going on ten. Looks like we have time to eat before I fuck you into the New Year.” Jensen smirked at the fucked out mess lying on his own bed as he walked into the bathroom. He stopped and turned. “You did say we’d trade off, right?”

The End.  
Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas my beta reader!


End file.
